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about
I'm now ten months on testosterone! Sitting here writing this, it seems impossible that it has been so long, but equally strange that I was ever without it. There were a few reasons I picked Sufjan for this milestone. Firstly, I watched Call Me By Your Name for the first time the other day (criminal) and sobbed my little heart out. I then listened to this song, over and over on a train journey, feeling the most in touch with myself and my emotions that I think I ever have. Feeling able to sit with myself, allow myself to grieve, allow myself to just be whatever I needed to be in that moment. I can't remember another time I've felt so at peace with letting the sadness sit with me.
In terms of my singing voice at this point, I've still been struggling with finding where and how it sits. I think that for so long, I took for granted the notes I could reach, how I naturally sang and so as my voices continues to deepen, I find it hard to not naturally be able to reach the places I previously could. Singing this song taught me that it's okay be gentle, that my lower register can still hold it's own power, even if I'm not able to project in the way I used to. And you know what, singing this was one of the most euphoric moments I've had yet with my voice. The changes are still scary, but I'm going to try and hold my arms open to them and not force anything anymore. I think it's better this way.
I hope you like this tribute to being gay, Timothee Chalamet and calmly being at peace with yourself, despite the sadness. And to you Sufjan, thank you so much for these new lessons x
credits
released April 21, 2022
Thank you to my beautiful friends for adding extra magic. Here we have classic Joshua Dickins bass antics (the best kind of bass), Grindle being a synth ghoul so perfectly and Anthony on his new favourite instrument. If you stay til the end, greg leaves a treat too x
vocals, saxophone and guitar - Frankie Pavitt
bass - Joshua Dickins
synth magic - Michael Grindle
glockenspiel - Anthony Williams
extra special treat - Greg Williams
Album art by Frankie. A photo I took in Paris but have no recollection of where or what it means, terrible xox
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